What I needed to hear...

http://lysaterkeurst.com/2012/01/i-dont-want-to-raise-a-good-child/

I love to read blogs. I guess that's something Mama got me into. They are so uplifting, so inspiring....Especially my favorite- www.kellyskornerblog.com

She and I have so much in common-She has two girls who are just a little younger than mine. She deals with the day to struggles that I do-the sassyness, the drama, the sweetness, the melt your heartness-all the things that come from having two independent, strong willed blondies....Her post today especially spoke to me...

I worry constantly about things-as I've said in previous posts.  But I especially worry if I'm making a mistake as a parent that could forever change my children.  They are so impressionable right now-little sponges just soaking up everything I say and do. I know as a parent we all make mistakes, that's just inevitable. But it's the big things that worry me. 

Emma is very strong willed and anyone who knows her knows that. She's so smart sometimes that it scares me. She picks up on everything! She's so smart that I find myself trying to reason with her like I would one of my 5th graders. She can comprehend so much. But she is also a child-a rambunctious, full of energy, little ball of fire.  I'm so proud of her...but there are times when I've wanted to crawl under the table or whatever I can find to hide under from utter humiliation. 

Example: Yesterday afternoon was my mother-in-law's retirement dinner at her school. They put us at a table in front of everyone. It was a very special day for a very special person-they really made a big deal out of it-and she very much deserves it. 

But anyway, we sat in front of the room so everyone had a perfect view of us-including the girls. They didn't want to sit still, they didn't want to eat, they didn't want to play in the floor-no, they wanted to run all over, squeal and be loud! I chased the baby for most of the dinner and I picked up books and magazines that she knocked over.  I was humiliated. Mostly because of all the people there were fellow teachers.  I could only imagine what they were thinking "If she can't control her own children, how does she control her classroom?"  I left feeling very embarrassed and out of control. I was upset with the girls-but why? They were just being children.  How strange would it have been if they would've just sat there with their hands in their laps like little ladies? Not my girls!!

After reading that above post from Lysa TerKeurst, I don't feel like the world's worst Mama today. I just feel like the Mama of a 3 year old and a 1 year old. I won't pray to have "good" children anymore. I will pray for God to help me raise Emma and Maci as He would have them be-God fearing, obedient, strong willed and happy.

Happy Tuesday!

Phot0: www.queenbphotography.net

Talkin' Bout My Girls....

I just wanted to share this with yall today. This is probably one of my favorite pictures of my girls.  Maci adores her big sister and you can tell it so much here. I can be having the worst day and seeing these two little faces just makes everything so much better.  

 

Worry, worry, worry...

Recently I blogged about my desire to stay home with my girls. I'm still struggling with that and praying about it and haven't made any "big" decisions yet....But thank you to those of you who have sent emails, texts and facebooked me about it. It so great to know I'm not alone in my feelings and it's also awesome to think that I have others praying for me about my decision. 

I recently watched something on television about a woman who was paralyzed and pregnant! As if that's not hard enough, she was pregnant with TWINS! I watched as she went through her day to day routines-this girl even makes her bed!!! I'm lucky if my bed gets made once a week, and that's usually on Saturday! She had so much energy. She wanted to do those things. I complain about simple housework and she just does it. What an inspiration she is! As the show went on, it began to tell her story in more detail. These twins weren't her first pregnancy. In fact, she had only been paralyzed since 2006. She, her husband and 4 month old son named Levi were in a terrible car accident two weeks before Christmas of that year. She was paralyzed, he received burns over 1/3 of his body and Levi was killed instantly. 

As I watched through tears, I just marveled at this family's strength. How would someone get over a tragedy like that? How would you ever be the same?  

Ever since Emma was born, I've had a constant fear that hangs over me.  It's not there all the time, but it's there a lot.  I worry over my girls. I worry over them more than I pray over them. Recently, I had a friend tell me, "why pray if you're going to worry?" And that just made sense. 

When we get in the car, I pray....

When we eat dinner, we pray...

When we go to bed, we pray....

When I begin to worry...I worry...and worry...and worry....and worry about things that haven't happened and probably will never happen. Worry is one of my biggest weaknesses as a Christian. I find it so difficult to just lay it all down. But why?  He has ALWAYS taken care of me and my family. He has ALWAYS kept us safe. 

   “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:25-34 

Pray for me, I'll pray for you...let's lay the worry down.....give it to Him.....He will take care of it....always!

Cassidy

Recently I had a friend send me an uplifting email.  She told me what a strong person I am and how she wishes she could be more like me. I sat there staring at my computer thinking "wow, really, me?" I can't imagine anyone would feel that way about me.  But it was the little boost I needed to really start feeling better about myself. Thank you to that person! She knows who she is!

So I have decided to pay it forward..... 

You know how there is that one person in your life who you just love being around and talking to? They always know exactly what to say and have the best advice. You know that one person who is so humble and never thinks anything of herself? She always puts others first-always! She is the greatest friend, always dependable, always there....

Well I have someone in my life like that...her name is Cassidy, or as we call her, Cass...

She is without a doubt one of the strongest people I know! She is such an inspiration and I'm so happy she is a part of my family! 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.  Proverbs 31:30

Big Decisions.....

Here lately I've really been missing my kids, like really missing them. I don't know if it's because they've both been so sick this year or if it's just my maternal instinct kicking into overdrive, but it's an overwhelming feeling that I can't seem to shake. It's really got me to thinking and praying about my future. I struggled with this after Maci was born. Should I stay home or should I go to work? I know that in today's society a lot of women have to work to support their families. It usually takes two incomes to pay the bills.  Sure, having both incomes is nice and we've been able to do lots of things that we wouldn't have otherwise. But my main concern in my education and the fact that I actually have one. All my life I've been told that I wouldn't get anywhere in life without a college degree. My parents and grandparents pushed me to go to school, get good grades and finish college. I did all that, maybe not the way they had planned, but I did it just the same.  If I decided to stay home would my education be wasted? And what about the student loans I have to pay back?

Now, as I'm half way through my first full year of teaching, I find myself wondering if I've made the right decision. Yes I can buy nice clothes for my kids and myself, we can go out to eat whenever we want, I can spend money within moderation without much worry, but at what cost? Are my kids getting enough of ME? Do they know they are my top priority?

A friend once told me, "ask yourself these questions- are my kids fed? are they clothed? are they loved? are they happy? If you answer yes to all those questions, then you are doing something right." 

I can answer yes to all those questions but I still have doubts. Even though I'm working everyday, I still spend every second I'm not at work with my kids. But I wonder, what "me" do they see? Is it the laid back, easy going, loving me, or is it the overworked, stressed out me?  I've also heard that it's not the quantity of time you spend but the quality. I know all these things and I pray about it daily. But what is the right decision? I have child care that I don't pay for-which I'm so very grateful for! I have a great job that most days I love very much. But am I making the decision that is right for my kids? Am I being selfish and choosing a lifestyle where I can have more material things? Or and I doing what's right and just looking at it the wrong way?

How do we ever know what the right decision is in anything we do??

Good News for Emma!

I haven't mentioned anything about Emma's health issues so far on this blog. I haven't wanted to put the spotlight on something and make it a bigger deal than it really is. We really don't have any answers about anything just yet, but we do know that she is in good hands and she's going to be just fine...,.

Emma's story begins on an August morning in 2008. She was 8 weeks old.  I woke up with her that morning and got her bottle ready like always and she refused to take it. This was so unusual for Emma, she always drank her bottles. Being the new mom I was, I was immediately worried. Then when I took her temperature, my fears were confirmed. She was burning up. Her fever was 102 so I called the doctor. 

When we got to the pediatricians office, they couldn't find anything wrong but we knew there must be something since she was running such a high fever. They sent us to the hospital. Just the word hospital struck fear in my heart. This was my little baby, the one who had only been here for 8 weeks, the one who I was already in love with, the one who consumed my entire existence.

We got to the hospital and they admitted her. They tried for an IV for 3o minutes. Finally after sticking her numerous times, they got one in her foot. This began a series of tests over the next three days. It was finally determined that Emma had a urinary tract infection. They did an ultrasound and determined that her left kidney was swollen. They gave her antibiotics through an IV and sent us home after three nights in the hospital.  

We were told she would outgrow any issues and just keep an eye on it. That was three years and a pediatrician ago. 

And now that Emma is three, we have a new pediatrician, and these problems have resurfaced again. We had another ultrasound done and her left kidney was significantly larger than her right. We saw the pediatric urologist yesterday and he wants her to have a renogram on Valentine's Day. This will determine if there is anything at all wrong with her kidney function. If so, we will cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, she is just my happy, healthy 3 year old!

Proverbs 31 Thursday

http://www.raisingmightyarrows.com/

 One who is virtuous, her husband's heart safely trusts in her, one that worketh willingly with her hands, brings her food from afar and feeds her household, is girded with strength and honour, helps the poor and needy, isn't afraid of the cold winters because her family is clothed with scarlet, isn't idle, and whose children and husband rise up and call her blessed.

One of my many New Year's Resolutions was to sort of reinvent myself in 2012. I know that's a huge resolution but I mean in little ways. 

The first area that I need to work on is with my husband.  Too often I allow myself to get caught up in the crazy of everyday life and forget to take time for him. I find myself getting frustrated, both girls are crying, I'm trying to cook supper, I've had a hectic day, the phone is ringing and he walks in the door and it all kind of gets unloaded on him. I want to try to be calm when I see his truck pull in the driveway. I want our home to be a place he comes to find peace and love. I want him to look forward to coming home everyday, not dreading it because as soon as he opens the door all of the days problems are going to be placed on his shoulders. I love him. I want him to be happy at home. 

The second area is how I speak to my children. I have a temper and very little patience, something I'm not proud of. I let my temper get the better of me at times. Especially when I walk in the kitchen and there is a brand new bag of Cheetos dumped on the floor, or when I can't find my hairbrush and the baby points to the toilet...these are times when I've lost my temper and raised my voice at my children. I've always heard that kids react the way their parents react. I want my girls to see me take a deep breath and speak kind words, not yell and fuss because there is a little mess. I hope in 2012 I can do better with this.  

The third area is my viewpoint of myself. I have a very low view of who I am and always have. I'm constantly striving to be better, hence the reason for this post.I want to lose weight, have a cleaner house, dress nicer...etc... I want to be happy with who I am.  I remember reading a blog post once that said the everyday woman worries about who she is in other people's eyes, but the abiding woman doesn't worry because she knows who she is in her faith and her relationship with Christ. That is all she needs to know.

In 2012 I want to be like the abiding woman. I want to believe in myself and put more faith in my God. I know he can and will do big things in 2012.  

Maci's Birthday Party!

Maci's party was on Saturday. I think almost everyone I invited came. I struggled with a theme but finally decided to go with elephants. Elephants are one of my favorites and it worked out nicely as a 1st birthday theme. I found a cheap pink elephant cookie jar at Target that I used for the centerpiece of the food table. For the other tables, my Mom used mason jars and burlap. She hot glued pink ribbon and lace around the jars and sat them on the burlap in the middle of the table. We put tea light candles in the jars and lit them. They looked amazing but I don't think I have any pictures. 

This is how I decorated the mantel at the Church in the fellowship hall where we had the party.

My brother-in-law cooked barbeque that was out of this world! We had baked beans, slaw, potato salad and chips. We had elephant cupcakes for dessert. It was a great evening full of family and friends celebrating one sweet baby girl! Here are some pictures....

My sweet princesses!

2012- A New Year, A New Me!

I found these New Year's questions on another blog and decided to answer them here. They have really made me think about and examine last year. 

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

I ate Brussels Spouts! I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but I have always refused to touch those things! They were so good! 

 

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?

Like every year, I say I'm going to join the YMCA, eat healthier and get in shape, but then after the first week  I usually fall off the bandwagon.  I've struggled with weight issues my whole life, but especially since I've had the girls.  It's something that I constantly think about.  I would love to look like I did in high school again... I guess I can dream! 

This was in April 2007-I was 19 and wish I was this size again!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I did! Maci Brooke was born January 7th, 2011. Also, several of my friends had babies this year, one even three days before Maci. I think 2011 was the baby boom. 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully  no.

5. What places have you visited?

Like every year, we went to Ocean Lakes in June. In November, we visited Washington D.C. with my 5th graders, then in December John and I took our anniversary trip to Blowing Rock. 

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Patience. My mama has always told me never to pray for patience. She said you just might get it stuck on the side of the road somewhere. But that's not the kind of patience I want. I want more patience with my girls, with John and with my students. I want to think before I speak. I don't want to be easily angered. 

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched in your memory and why?

January 7th- The day Maci Brooke came into our lives.

8. What was your biggest achievement in 2011 and why?

My biggest achievement was graduating college. After all the hard work, I finally made it!

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No major illness or injury.  I had a couple of weeks to recover from my c-section but after that I was healthy.

10. What was the best thing you bought?

The best thing I bought was my Honda Accord. It's 97 model with 220k miles but I absolutely love it!  It has saved me so much money in gas going back and forth to work.

11. Where did most of your money go?

Bills-and Food Lion!

12. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Probably "Remind Me" by Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley. I heard that song at least twice a day on the radio!

13. What do you wish you would have done more of?

Prayed, read my Bible, spent more time living in the moments, not always jumping ahead.

14. What do you wish you would have done less of?

I wish I would have worried less. I know I can't change things by worrying but I still do.

15. What was your favorite TV program?

Army Wives-been watching it since 2007-never missed an episode!

16. What was the best book you read this year?

The Help, of course!! 

17. What was your favorite film of the year?

The Help, of course!

18. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I was 23, but I don't really remember what I did. I think we went out to eat but I don't remember where!

19. What national/world event stirred you the most?

Probably the 10 year anniversary of 9/11.  I just recall that day so vividly in my mind. I actually got to teach my 5th graders about why that day was so important. They had no clue. They had to do a project where they interviewed someone about that day. Hearing it being retold through children's viewpoints was very moving for me.

20. Who was the best new person you met?

Actually, this person is someone I've known for a long time but didn't particularly care for.  It's funny how your perception of people can change as you get older. I'm so glad mine did and I've gotten to know this person as an adult. She's become a very good friend!

A New Baby to Love

 

John and I are going to be an Uncle and an Aunt!! On Christmas Day we got a huge surprise when John's sister Cheryl and her husband Robert gave us this ultrasound picture.

Babies are such blessings and we are thrilled that they are finally "joining the club!"  The baby (who I think is a boy) is due in July of this year. I can't wait to get to spoil my new "nephew" and I'm so excited that my girls get to have a first cousin! 

Congratulations Cheryl and Robert!!

Maci Turns 1!!

It seems like just yesterday this sweet angel came into our lives.....

I remember the day I found out that she was on her way. It was the week of Mother's Day 2010 and the very LAST thing I was expecting. This little beauty is proof that God never closes one door without opening another.

Although having two has been a challenge, I wouldn't trade my girls for anything. I love it that I can say "my girls." Growing up I always wanted girls so I could do hair and dress them up. I'm happy to say that even at one, Maci is the ultimate girly girl. She loves the hairbrush, cell phones, purses and shoes. Oh and she always wants my makeup brush. I can already tell she and I are going to have lots of fun!

In addition to loving all things girly, she also adores her big sister Emma.  Maci follows her around everywhere! She wants her toys and her blanket and she even tries to steal her paci! Maci is a little comedian and loves to have an audience!  

Happy Birthday Maci Brooke! We Love You!!